Archives For Faith

Song

song

Joining a beautiful community of writers . . . for just 5 minutes. . . on the prompt: song.

There is a song playing deep within, but, oh, how I struggle to find the notes. I have had trouble finding words. I type these here, waiting for words to come. Song . . . What is it, God? Why do I have so much trouble writing here?

You doubt your words, your voice–the delight I have for you as I hear you sing. For you do sing, my girl. You sing in the arms reached around, the deep reaching for me, the moments of restlessness when you try to pray but you can’t.

You sing in the tension of wondering what it is you are to do with your time this day. You sing in the doubting and the giving and the pondering and the hoping and the playing. You sing the only way you know how.

Daughter, I’ve made you to sing. Sing of beauty and laughter, of dark places where light has been brought to shine. Sing of hope and hard places, of pride and running away and turning around and raw tears spilled on cold ground. You sing of silence, of new places, of rebellion and obedience and redemption and suffering. You sing of desire and searching for more, more of Me. You sing from a true place, a beautiful place, a deepening pace, where I come and teach you notes to wait again, expectantly, for Me.

Want to read what other writers had to say? Come on over to Lisa-Jo’s. What comes to your mind when you hear the word, “song”?

I pray you have the most beautiful, song-filled weekend, girls.

May 16, 2013 — 16 Comments
In Faith, Five-Minute Friday
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Tired of Silence

the unearthing 900 2

They sit, these sisters, clasping tea in hands, telling me the story I know. The story of silence, the story of keeping it all hidden, pretending everything is okay.

They sit and share the wounds of the darkness, love muddled in attempt to keep things clean, organized, simple. The problem with pushing down truth is that truth cannot be hidden forever. And there is a cost to silence that is more bitter than the initial pain itself.

Repercussions to silence are felt in new ways–all for the fear of letting light shine.

Avoiding conversations about the tough stuff may mean avoiding the potential mess that occurs when hearts are spilled open, raw. But avoidance–choosing silence–opens the door to believing lies, to making agreements about things that aren’t true.

Do you, friend, have a memory when you, as a child, tried to put together the pieces to a situation you didn’t fully understand? Do you feel the burden of silence, of things unspoken, of relationships strained?

We are made for relationship. We are made for community. We are made to share stories and let His light shine on the places of pain, of fear, of pride.

I’m sharing this story over at the Allume blog today . . . Click here to join me and finish reading.

May 15, 2013 — Leave a comment
In Life, Voice
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Mother, you need rescue. Me too.

When mothers cry rescue textShe looks at me with eyes that plead. “Tell me . . . tell me I’m doing okay. I need to hear it, even if I can’t believe it.”

Right now.

She feels like she runs around in circles all day. She chose to stay at home, knowing she should appreciate the choice, the opportunity. She wanted to stay close, love on her children, plunge full on into the privilege of shaping lives.

But it’s hard. And she doubts she has what it takes to do it well. . . .

For the rest of this post, come on over to my friend Amy’s place, where she is beginning a special series about moms. I am so excited about it!

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And don’t miss Amy’s post introducing the series, sharing why she is tired of trying to be Superwoman and how she is thankful she doesn’t have to do that anymore.

You don’t want to miss all this good stuff. Come on over.

 

May 1, 2013 — Leave a comment
In Faith
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Your Amazing Race

amazing race
Two summers ago, I climbed Half Dome with my dad, my brother, and my husband. Half Dome is in Yosemite National Park, and the 16 mile round trip adventure to the top is awesome and tough. We hike through beautiful terrain–ranging from rocky switch backs under a canopy of forest, to slippery stone stairs next to showering waterfall where we get totally wet. The final climb is up steep cables harbored in granite rock. You cling to those cables with all your strength. The rock, even with the wooden slates placed for your feet to stand, is steep. You can’t trust that your footing is enough to keep you from tumbling below.

You’ve just got to hang on.

I love challenges. I am not running marathons every few months (like my awesome sister), but I feel God close when I push myself to a place where I am dependent on Him to help me keep going. Physically, emotionally, mentally.

When my family piles onto the couch each week to watch The Amazing Race (the show we are currently crazy about), we root for our favorite teams as they endure mental and physical challenges in a race around the world. We watch the teams struggle to do things they have never done before: play bagpipes in a Scottish castle, make sandals on people’s feet in Panama, free fall 37 stories off a skyscraper in Berlin. There are lots of mistakes and lots of freaking out. But, because there is a goal to complete–and it is a competition for one million dollars, and they are not doing this all alone, but with a teammate who believes in them and is cheering them on–the team members do these crazy things.

They have each other–so it is together that they stumble and pick themselves up and endure.

They keep going. They willingly allow themselves to be stretched in ways they didn’t think possible. No matter their fear, they just don’t quit. There is a prize for sticking with it–and it isn’t just the money. After every leg of the race, the last team to arrive at the mat faces some kind of consequence, or ultimately, elimination from the race. They shed tears when they are eliminated. There is frustration and wishing things had gone better so they could go on. But you see joy, too–in each teammate’s face–when they have given all that they had.

No matter what the outcome, we are rewarded when we give this race we run our all. When we have not held back. When we have trusted. When we ran with everything we had, and more.

In this amazing race, there is a cost to not trying. There is a cost to quitting. There is no reward for giving up and giving in and not going all in, full on. (Tweet this?) In Loop yesterday, God says these words:

I stand with you, daughter. You are not out there on your own. Pause and see Me. Look for Me. Heed Me. Desire Me.

I care less about what you do than about your seeing and heeding Me.

Daughters, it feels so hard to trust one another, to need one another, to let down your guard and be raw and real and open. But what have you got to hide? I live in you. Let that light shine.

Yes, you mess up and feel weak. Remember that I did not design you to be strong on your own. You are the lamp lit by Me. You are the beginning of hope for another as you model trusting in me and feeling like you don’t have what it takes on your own.

I do not ask you to go ahead, on your own. 

Cling to Me. I am steadfast. Cling to me. I give you words. Cling to Me—a life of prayer, each thought and action in accordance with my spirit in you.

You are not alone. Do not separate from Me. 

You are mighty in my name and go boldly where I go. Boldness, on your own, is not boldness, but weakness and pride. Lay that down, my love.

I have more of Me to give you.

Can we dare say it is fun to be stretched out of our comfort zones, wherever God leads? Can we believe we are made to be bold, live the race fully, walk hand in hand with God?

Are we even really living if we choose to not keep our eyes on God as He coaxes us on, with each step of the way, running with us  the race He has for us to run? Maybe it is perfect that we feel we don’t have what it takes, on our own, to run this race well.

I have more of Me to give you.

Can you hear God cheering you on?

Looppink

 

April 30, 2013 — 4 Comments
In Adventure, Faith, Listen, Loop
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When part of you is dying

Sometimes, words just need to be said aloud. I needed to do that here, girls. I am a bit serious, but trust me . . . There is joy, at the end of it all.

Apiece of me is dying right now. After all the prayers, on my knees, over the years and all the small deaths I’ve died already, there are always more deaths to die.

That’s the way it is, girls, isn’t it? Death welcomed or death rejected?

I am torn by the question: do I want part of me to die?

He says in yesterday’s Loop, “Planting”,

“My darling, let Me create something new within you today. I plant seeds of hope within you, and I promise to bring you joy. Do you believe I can and I will? Truly, do you believe?”

Why does He ask me that question again? Must He repeat it? And why does He continue to ask me questions about my heart and what I truly believe? It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me pause, and sometimes I just don’t want to pause. I want to keep going my own way. I want to feel comfortable, sure of myself, feeling like I know where I am going. I want to be strong and independent. I want to have it all together and be successful and well-liked and wise.

Is hope what I want? Is more of God what I want? Do I believe He would bring me joy?

He knows how I can so easily keep going my own way. But He also knows what is most true: My heart flails, and I sink, in despair, on my own.

So He keeps asking questions:

“Do you now ask what will it require, this planting? Do you wonder what you have to give to receive gifts of hope? May I ask you—is there somewhere else that you could receive these gifts, on your own?”

Oh, I am wrestling here. . . Do I think I can find joy and hope on my own?

I am good at living like I do.

Perhaps I am worried . . I am worried about what God’s planting seeds of hope in me would require of me. Because I remember Paul’s words: ”What you sow does not come to life unless it dies” (1 Corinthians 15:30).  Paul speaks of Jesus dying for our sakes, so that we may have new life. But in the Holy Spirit’s invitation to plant seeds of hope in my heart, I know God is inviting me to die, too. For seeds to grow, for His planting to be successful, I have a choice.

“Receive the gifts—my gifts to you, my girl—or not. But you can’t find hope on your own. And you can’t find joy on your own.”

He asks me another question:

“Do you believe I can give these gifts to you? Do you believe I want to? Why worry about what the gifts will require of you to receive them?”

I hear Him asking me if I believe Him, if I love Him, if I trust Him . . . if I believe He is good and faithful and my God.

My heart wrestles with Him–searching for what I really believe . . . wondering if I am willing to surrender so that I can both die and live. . . live and die.

Deep breath.

Yes. I do. I do. And I want Him to plant these seeds of hope. I am tired of trying to figure out how to find joy and hope on my own.

And then He tells me how to do it.

“The requirement of receiving hope and joy is trusting Me more than yourself, loving Me more than yourself.”

Letting God sow seeds of hope in me means that for hope to be born in me, I must be wiling to surrender and let the sinful part of me die. He is in control and I am not.

His plans for me are good.

He is love and He is light. He is beauty and hope and peace and joy. He is my Father and my Creator, and I want to follow Him.

No matter what it takes.

And I am dying.

And you know what. . . even though it hurts and I have been crying a lot this week, the heart that for so many years I believed was dead inside is now opening up to receive more of Him. And I see myself stepping back from caring about recognition and validation and the world’s standards of success just as I feel Him moving me to a new place of greater strength in my identity, in Him.

This is what I posted at the You Are My Girls Facebook community page yesterday:

“Sometimes, girls, you’re just in a soft place–a place where your heart feels vulnerable and a bit happy and sad all at once. You wonder if there is something wrong–’cause you cry easily, this day, but you can’t figure out why. But it is good, and you are glad–because you are feeling. You are filled with emotion and it makes you remember that you are alive and God is breathing and there was a sunrise today and this heart of yours is beating. I take a deep breath in these moments–because often, when my chest feels tight like this–I feel like breathing is the last thing I can really do. I can hardly catch my breath. And this is when I remember I need God to catch me. And that is what I needed all along.”

He plants in me the truth of who I am, and I am more myself today, this moment, than I have ever been.

There is no going back now.

I will take more death, any day, for more of this Life.

What about you, His girl? Are you receiving Loop in your inbox twice a week? It is His heart for us, here. I have never been more sure of that. (You can sign up right now, right here.) How do His words sit with you? How can I pray?

Linking this post with the beautiful God-sized Dream community at Holley Gerth’s and with the courageous story-tellers at Jennifer’s (#tellHisstory).

April 16, 2013 — 22 Comments
In Life and Death, Listen, Loop
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When the word “community” scares you

swings light
Girls, I am writing about community today. And you are going to want to make sure you read through to the end of this post. There is a fun invitation for you at the end that I would really hate for you to miss.

But first, can I tell you how beautiful and amazing this new community is that God is forming around Loop? I so cherish your emails about what He is doing in you–how He is speaking to your heart. I will be posting tomorrow about how this Monday’s Loop spoke to me. Don’t miss out. Make sure you subscribe to receive your twice a week emails of encouragement, God’s heart for you.  I hope you don’t hesitate to jump in, either through an email response to me, or by a comment in tomorrow’s post.

We are joined in community here, friends. You being here, reading this, is no mistake. We are made to be encouraged by each other.

And this is why I couldn’t help but ask God what He would say to us today, about community. His words are life for this ever thirsty girl.

And this is what I heard Him say:

Community is where I am. Community is where there is a gathering, in love–where it is safe and it is good and I lead. Community is where there are tears and there is laughter and there is a stripping of all falseness, all hiding. Community is the gathering, the collection, the communion of spirits–your spirit–with Mine. Community is the beginning of gathering place, where there is desperation, and rawness is rewarded. Community is invitation to Me.

Community is closeness. It is intimacy. It is awakening to more–more of Me.

Let me give you more of Me.

Community is the blossoming that comes after planting, after pruning, after watering, after tilling, after rocks are removed–and in the middle of ground needing my care.

Community is not about words. It is not about events and organizations and lists. Community is not about a calendar and a clock and a schedule and a cookie cutter design.

Community is a dance, a messy, wild dance where there is tripping and falling, and rising and a grabbing hold of hands–my hand, my love.

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Community is the stumbling when things are hard and trusting that I lead you to a better place. Community is the knock at your door when you don’t want to answer it but you are desperate to be understood and to know you are not alone. Community is the phone call and the saying  ’yes’ to be known, to be heard, to let your voice join mine. It is the singing of angels at my feet, the resounding that I hear.

Community is the joining together of energies, your heart-song as it becomes more fully what I have designed for it to become, all along. Community, daughters, is the center–the place where I am. Community is where I reside. It is not a place of pressure, of guilt, of comparison, of wishing you were different or less or more.

Community is a raised hand, a reaching for Me, a risk where it is safe–because I am there. Community is stepping into warmth–into welcome. It is stepping out on behalf of another whom has yet to feel the hug of arms wrapped around her neck.

Community is the quenching of thirst that calls you home, that calls you to the real place, the place where you are known and loved and discovered anew.

Community is where I show you who you are and where love is etched even deeper into the design I have placed on your heart.

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Girls, I ask Him what community means because it is something I both crave and fear. I am made to be known–but oh, how I fear rejection and know my only security is my identity in Christ. How He sees me is my safe place–and it is that faith that equips me to take risks, in community, in His name. I must go where He calls me. I must trust that being vulnerable with my heart, with the people He brings into my life, is the invitation to enter deeper into relationship with Him.

And I can’t miss out on that. He is making me love Him too much. I just can’t get enough.

Show us where you are, Father. Reveal more of yourself to us. Show us, practically what community looks like for each of your girls reading these words this moment. We trust you and want all that you have. We want to trust you more, be stripped away of all ways we try to hide. Bring us deeper into community–true relationship–with You.

Would you like to be loved on in real life, friends? Would you like to meet up, in community in just two weeks?

Register for the (in)courage IRL conference and spend hours with women–like me–who need to be gathered up, in His safe place, with His girls. The conference is free–and there are hundreds of IRL conference gatherings going on all over the world. Click here to learn more about (in)RL. Click here to register.

Check out this fun video to hear about the heart for (in)couragers connecting with women, across the screen, and in real life. You’ll see me, with beautiful friends, Michele-Lyn and Elisa, near the end!

And this is my official invitation to you to rsvp to come on over to my house on Saturday afternoon, April 27!

(Please say you live in Northern California and that you can come!) Here is where you can register for the conference that is happening, at my place!

In the meantime: what do you think of when you think of the word “community”? How do you need community? What scares you about it? How can I pray for you? How can the You Are My Girls community and Loop community be a place where community can be more greatly fostered?

I would super-love to hear what you have to say. (And come on over to Allume today, too, to read my post on intimacy and marriage.)

Love being gathered up with you, His girls,

Jennifersignaturescript

linking this post with the community of sisters at Jen’s

April 14, 2013 — 31 Comments
In Community, Faith, Intimacy, {in}courage
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One day to live, with gusto

one day
My daughter sings at the top of her lungs the song I am teaching her to sing–the one my dad taught me on our drives in his silver four-wheel drive pickup on the way to the dump in the summer, a few miles into the foothills from our house.

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip
In the dip da dip da dip?

She sings it with gusto–for the way the words sound on her lips . . . for the chance to use her toothbrush, when she is supposed to be brushing her teeth before bed, as a microphone . . . for the way our voices rise together, in silliness, when it comes to our favorite part:

Who was that man?
I’d like to shake his hand
He made my baby
Fall in love with me (yeah!!)

And when I tuck her in at night, I know that the way to live fully has a lot to do with faith and little to do with enthusiasm, too.

We have a chance to live this day out fully. This day, friends. We are led towards something amazing and beautiful to do with Him, this day.

I wonder what that looks like for you?

I pray you have the most beautiful, grace-filled weekend–lived out with enthusiasm and gusto, friends. Let’s not hold back from entering into what God has. And this song, “Brand New Day”, shares my heart– that we approach all the possibilities before us, brand new, and with hope.

We do none of this alone.

With love to you–and practicing deep breathing, too,

Jennifersignaturescript

April 12, 2013 — 1 Comment
In Faith, Life
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Soak

soak collage
On Wednesdays, I want You Are My Girls to be a place for you to come and be encouraged–to say yes to His invitation to be with Him–to soak Him up. 

I wonder if a bunch of words on this screen isn’t what you need today. I wonder if what we each need right now is just the reminder that He is here. He is with us. He is present and desiring our company, our heart, our will–awake and fully surrendered–to Him.

So, my words today are few:

Close your eyes for a moment and let your heart speak its deepest desires–give them up to Him:

that worry,

that pain from the past that won’t go away,

that anger and hurt,

that sorrow,

that fear,

that exhaustion,

that doubt.

Let Him come in, girls. He wants to fill the space where you are. He wants to show you more of His love for you. He wants to let you listen to the sound of His laughter, His excitement for this day, His eagerness to show you what He has for you, the joy He feels for being with you.

You are His–His girl. He does not want to be anywhere else but where you are. Crazy and awesome and true.

He just can’t get enough of you, girl.

Lean into that.

You are enough. You are made perfectly and uniquely–with a life that is made to be full of Him, full of joy and hope and freedom.

This is what is true.

Let all else fall away.

And while I wish I could be with you face to face when I share this with you, know that I am praying for you–and that I am so thankful for you, for the girls He collects here. He has amazing dreams for us, friends.

Love,

Jennifersignaturescript

April 10, 2013 — 3 Comments
In Community, Faith, Soak
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The biggest thing that’s ever happened here

Iscript‘ve been sharing little snippets at You Are My Girls community on Facebook about what has been making my heart beat fast. I’ve been busy dreaming and listening and praying and planning. I’ve been hinting that something cool is coming to You Are My Girls soon.

And, finally, it’s ready to go:

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I am scared and excited and nervous and thrilled. I was up late last night (well, I didn’t sleep much, actually) struggling with landing page css and directory stuff . . .blah, blah, blah. And I am sure there might be some more kinks to be worked out.

And I’ve loved it. I have loved every minute working on it.

It is my heart for you. It is a piece of my heart for this space.

Loop is a little bit experiment. . . and whole lot crazy vulnerable. I  have never felt so raw in years. . . not since my first public confession about my past, to a friend who loved me.

And it is good for me. It is something I Iove. It has been reminding me of the word that God put on my heart to lean into, with Him, this year: Together.

Loop is an invitation to shared journey–the gathering of His girls into something more. It is an opportunity to go deeper and be stretched wider. It is the chance to quiet ourselves in new ways–and reach out to each other, as we seek, even more, to trust God.

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I write a lot here about stepping further into our identity, to ask God those questions about what we love to do and why.

God places within us desires and talents unlike anyone else’s. But we are so much alike, too.

We share the journey to be vulnerable and alive and afraid and excited. We want to discover, together, more of who He’s made us to be. Because then, we step more fully into what He invites us to do, with Him.

Because you know where joy and freedom await us, friend? In our life fully surrendered to God, living out the truth of our identities, in Him.  (I’ve been thinking that this true self, united with Him, must be the foundation of our worship, too.)

And that is what Loop is about.

Subscribers, if you haven’t seen the page talking all about Loop and how much I love it and believe in it, you are going to have click on over to check out the details. You are going to want to get involved. I am hoping you are going to want to subscribe to twice a week emails–completely separate from posts from You Are My Girls.

But it is also connected . . .

There is a lot more unfolding at You Are My Girls, too, girls. The new menu heading “Journal” above lays out some of the fun details. I’m going to explain it more to you in a post tomorrow.

I have never been more excited about being here, with you, gals. There is so much awesome stuff we get to do together–listening, exploring, sharing, trusting. . .

Who is with me?

Gratefully,

Jennifersignaturescript

April 4, 2013 — 10 Comments
In Community, Faith, Loop
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A work in progress

Tgeorgiahings are looking a little different around here, girls. . .but this isn’t the exciting news I’ve been waiting to tell you. . . I will keep you posted. (Computer/tech stuff, is not my speciality, I’m afraid. . . and it’s a slow process.)

So grateful for you,

Jennifersignaturescript

April 4, 2013 — Leave a comment
In Faith
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You can dance

We do these things we do in the dark, sometimes. We feel our heart awaken, drumming against our chest, and we know we are setting out into a new space—wide open space where we’ve never been before, with God.

But we feel alone.

We are made to love certain things. You may have an affinity for sewing, or singing, running, or keeping a calm head under pressure. You may love time by yourself to think, or maybe you just can’t get enough of a crowd around you, the voices of others infusing you with energy and inspiration. Or, again, maybe you love both, sometimes.

Because of the particular things you love to do, and the particular way in which you love to do them, you see the world differently from those around you. You have had unique experiences, wounds, life lessons, and adventures that no one else has. And for this reason, the way you worship God with your life is going to look different from anyone else.

Abby swinging

When I think of worship I think of David dancing, with exuberance and unselfconsciousness, before God. He was unashamed. He was unreserved. He was all in and responded to the love he felt for his Father. He couldn’t imagine holding anything back.

“And David danced before the Lord with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod.  So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting and with the sound of the horn” (2 Samuel 6:14).

When David was criticized by Michal, Saul’s daughter, for his impassioned dancing in the streets with the population, worshipping God and celebrating the return of the Ark of the Convenant, David responded with words to her that revealed not only his confidence in his actions, but his confidence in the truth of who he was, in eyes of his Father.

“It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the Lord—and I will celebrate before the Lord. I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes” (2 Samuel 6: 21-22).

“David danced with all his might” (my emphasis), without reservation and hesitation. His heart responded to his love and praise for God, and he danced in the street, holding nothing back–without caring what he looked like to the skeptics.

I can only imagine this kind of worship is what makes us most alive, confident, joy-filled, and free.

We will not please some people with our worshipping, with our exuberant giving up our whole selves to worship God. But true worship involves us responding to God’s heart for us. True worship is owning who God has made us to be. It means caring more about realzing our true identity, in God, with our lives, rather than caring about the opinion of others.

I imagine that true worship will be opposed by this world, full of His children who do not yet know Him and believe.

Very soon, I wil feel like I am dancing in the street, exposed and alive and leaning into what I belive God has made me, right now, to do.

And I’m going to share it with you. . . maybe tomorrow, or a day or so after that . . . And I can hardly wait. Until then I lift up hands to Him, so grateful to be here with you. This song, on repeat everywhere I go, lately, encaptures how I think about worship, right now, so well.

You are made to do something amazing–worship God with your whole heart–in the way that no one else can ever do . . .not the way you can do it. What does that look like, for you?

April 2, 2013 — 11 Comments
In Adventure, Faith, Worship
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To Walk or Stay–a beautiful book by Lara Williams (review + giveaway)

ref=as_li_ss_tl I had the privilege of meeting Lara Williams last year. sitting at dinner with her at a conference. This was the first I had heard of her soon-to-be-published book, To Walk or Stay. And later that night I heard her voice rise up with an energy not her own as she stood on a platform before sister writers and bloggers and rapped. Lara wrote and delivered the most powerful rap for God I had ever heard. I wish I had taped it so you could hear her now.

Lara is captivating, and she speaks from knowing this God of hers who has saved her and who has given her hope and joy and a voice to proclaim His truth. She writes and speaks to encourage others, testifying to the work of the Holy Spirit in each of us when we say ‘yes’ to Him with our whole hearts and don’t hold back. And sing.

Yes, this girl knows how, with His life in her, to sing.

To Walk or Stay is powerful. Lara shares her struggle to press into God’s forgiveness after learning of her husband’s infidelity. Raw and beautiful and honest, Lara’s sharing of her story gives hope to anyone, whether married or not, to press into God during trials. Lara testifies that it is through sticking closely to our Father’s side, choosing to stay with God and not walk away from Him, in the midst of hardship, that we come to know God even more deeply.

We can begin with the trial and define God through the lens of circumstance, or we can begin with God and define the trial through the lens of His revealed character (Lara Williams, To Walk or Stay).

Lara reminds us of the power of trusting God to do His work in us. Her words grab my heart and I can’t help but almost speak aloud in agreement, “yes, yes!”

All I can do is testify. I can tell you how I have sought after God through one of the darkest seasons of my life. I can give you tips for your thought life. I can lay out His commands to forgive. And I can share how brilliantly He shows up each and every day through each and every storm. But ultimately, the victory comes as an outworking of His Spirit. He opens our eyes. He changes our minds. He guides our feet and convicts our hearts. He does the work (Lara Williams, To Walk or Stay).

In addition, Lara invites us to dig deep into scripture and to walk aligned with God’s voice.  To Walk or Stay has a built in study-guide, including insightful resources at the end of each chapter, inviting the reader to go deeper. The wisdom offered in the “Digging Deeper” sections at the end of each chapter were some of my favorite parts of the book. To Walk or Stay is a book to read as soon as you can. And once you’ve gotten your hands on a copy . . . then you’re going to want to grab a girlfriend and talk about it. Lucky for us, the To Walk or Stay book club kicks off at Lara’s place on April 18. You aren’t going to want to miss it.

To Walk or Stay book club

 I just love Lara’s heart:

I don’t know your personal hurts. I don’t know how life has ripped at your soul. But our heavenly Father sees every detail of our hearts. He holds every tear we cry. And He mends broken souls. No one but our Lord can fully understand your tattered spirit. But I truly believe the Word to be truth–even when our emotions rage (Lara Williams, To Walk or Stay).

Would you like to grab your own copy of To Walk or Stay so you can highlight it like crazy like I did? You can buy it on Amazon right now . . .

Or you can enter to win one of the two copies I’m excited to give away. 

Just leave a comment sharing why you are excited to read it.Then, leave an additional comment for a tweet, Facebook sharing, or blog post about this giveaway and the To Walk or Stay book club.  Giveaway ends at midnight, March 22. Before you go, check out the To Walk or Stay promo video. . . and then you’ll hear that rap music in the background. . .

To Walk or Stay Promo Video from Lara Williams on Vimeo.

Gratefully,

Jennifer

* The giveaway is now ended. Congratulations, Jada and Nicole for winning copies of To Walk or Stay! I just messaged you!

March 20, 2013 — 16 Comments
In Faith , , , ,
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It might be time to get up now

In the last couple of posts here, I wrote about surrender. This is a topic I write about a lot, in this space. It is what I share here and here. It is what prompts me to ask the Father again, “Remind me how everything I need is within me. Tell me again that You adore me and that I am enough. Strip this heart of mine clean that I may see You and receive You and walk the way my Brother did, my King. I want to be with You like He was while He was here on earth, spending each day by Your side.”

And He never tires of leaning in close, smiling at me in that way He does, to tell me again. “Girl, you are mine. There is not one thing I would do differently if I made you all over again. Please, stay here, with Me.”

Now, it is the staying here with God part that I want to talk about.

One thing I love about blog posts: I can say just a little bit about what I am thinking–in these tidy little snippets here and there. . . It’s super convenient, and expedient, too. But I need to return here to this idea of surrendering to the Holy Spirit within us, what it looks like to stay with God, because I want to clarify something.

Girl it might be time to get up

When I write how we need to surrender our will to God and rest with Him and know that He is the One in control and not us . . . When I write how we don’t need to strive to be more than we are because, in Him, we are complete. . . I don’t mean that abandoning the posture of striving and assuming the posture of being with God means that we sit around with God and do nothing.

I am not advocating doing nothing.

He has given us these amazing lives of ours to actually do something with them. Loving, in His name, is one of the two commandments Jesus shares as the most important for us to follow. Loving Jesus and loving others may begin with us sitting still to soak up God’s presence.  Absolutely. The Holy Spirit is in us, and sitting still with God helps us to remember we are not alone.

We need to sit sometimes, but we need to go, sometimes, too.

God gives us specific desires in our hearts to experience Him uniquely, moment by moment, based on our personalities and temperaments .  . . He shows us what we love to do, and He invites us on adventures with Him so we can experience even more the life He is in us. He marries the desires of our hearts with His invitations to love. We love His children through the things He has given us to love doing while on earth. Sitting still is one of the ways we can help ourselves hear His still, small voice within us and give ourselves the Sabbath rest He calls us to. Resting is an act of obedience to God . . . and it is good for us.

But sometimes, our call to obedience, our call to surrender, is not a call to rest.

Here’s the tension: In the surrendering, we are striving towards God, in the most beautiful way. We are choosing Him. We surrender our old selves and let Him clothe us with His righteousness. We recognize we can’t earn God’s love and grace; we can’t earn a gift, especially one we can never deserve.

Surrendering the old self and believing we don’t need to be the one in control takes obedience. And obedience to God is choosing connection with Him, whatever He calls us to do.

Perhaps obedience is sitting still, watching waves break at the ocean shore. Perhaps it is taking out the garbage and serving our family and driving the kids around and cleaning up after the dog. Perhaps it is packing our bags and going across the world and serving His children in need . . . or simply loving our neighbor down the hall or across the street.

Surrendering can mean sitting still, and it can also mean moving. The thing is, in each answer of obedience–whether sitting still in His presence or clinging to His hand as you rescue an impoverished child across the world–you are moving with God. Each act of obedience, each act of surrendering, each act of believing He is enough and we are enough, with Him, is being with Him, abiding with Him, moving with Him.

Even in our rest, and even in our going, we can abide.

Jesus could do anything in the will of His Father. He submitted His will to God. He experienced the freedom that comes from knowing His Father was the one in charge. He chose that kind of Life, just like we have the opportunity to choose this same kind of Life and freedom, too.

We are called to be obedient. We are called to abide–be with, live in Jesus’ presence, tune our hearts and minds to the posture of the Holy Spirit within us, our Guide that does not fail.

Perhaps one of the greatest challenges Christians face is not being willing to surrender our will to God and not being obedient to the Spirit that is within us. We might spend our lives trying to earn salvation by doing stuff for Jesus under the guise that we are doing that stuff with Him.

Let’s not confuse doing things for God with doing things with God. There is nothing worth doing that we can do on our own.

At my kitchen counter, as I assemble a meal for a friend, I hear Kim Walker-Smith sing loud through the speakers: “I don’t want to camp out and stay in one place, God” . .” She seeks His voice, “What are you doing, what are you saying  . . . I want to be with you tonight. . . I need you more . . Your presence is life to me . . . I need more of your presence every day, every day, God.” This is my prayer for us, here.

His presence is the beginning girls.  We can’t do a thing without it.

Oh, Father, I am so thankful we don’t have to.

Do you feel the tension between staying and going, as you abide, girls? How is He calling you to move with Him? I would love to hear a bit about your journey with Him now.

March 13, 2013 — 8 Comments
In Adventure, Life and Death, Surrender
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I want to believe God speaks to me . . .and that I can hear Him

I hug my knees against my chest, boots plunged into February sand, watching foamy waves crash onto Northern California shore. Two hundred other women join me, scattered across this quiet stretch of beach—sitting on dunes, dipping bare toes in cold water, or treading over dirt paths. The rustic retreat center is a mile away but otherwise, for this group of women, seemingly off the map. The retreat speaker invited us to spend an hour of meditation, with God. From the moment the speaker’s talk ended and for the next hour, we need to be silent—any temptation to speak reserved for communication, in our hearts, with the Father.

This is the first time I’ve considered being quiet with God, and I have never had anyone share with me that God could talk to them, that He uses our hearts to communicate with us. I had been used to praying to Him, reading the Bible and being in awe of the way God spoke to the hearts of people in the Bible. I am trying to imagine the possibility of God speaking to me, too. . . 

Come on over to Allume today to read the rest of this post and hear my heart about God speaking to us . . . Do you know how much I love engaging with you here?

March 11, 2013 — Leave a comment
In Faith
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Lies we aren’t supposed to know we believe

Lies

We share Holley Gerth’s article in My Girls yesterday–her words on how one’s signature struggles can reveal one’s signature strengths. It is beautiful how the women who come to My Girls–and you amazing women who gather here–are willing to share their struggles with one another.

We don’t want to hide.

There are things about ourselves that we may have not yet shared in community–because we choose safety over vulnerability, because we are not sure if we have found a safe place among sisters to share our hearts. What does community need to look like for it to be a place where our deepest fears are lifted up, into the light, where they can clearly be seen?

We are not meant to hide our hearts from one another. But we do. And it may not be for the reason you think.

There is one thing I am learning for sure: the enemy, my friends, tries to cover up our deepest wounds and hide from us the agreements we’ve made with him. He doesn’t want us to know what lies he’s whispered to us and convinced us to believe about ourselves.

I am not enough.

I am too much.

I don’t have a voice.

I am not a good mom.

I am too needy.

I don’t love well.

I’m ugly.

I need to have the answers.

I have to be the one in control. . .

We feel the reality of these agreements. We live them. They wound us and the people whom we love. But, crazy as it sounds, the enemy makes it difficult for us to discern the agreements we’ve made. We’ve become so used to believing the lies that we can’t imagine that they are actually separate from who we really are.

If we don’t ask Jesus to come and reveal to us the agreements we’ve made that distort our true identity, in Christ, we suffer. And those around us suffer. We are made to live unencumbered, clothed in joy and righteousness. We let Jesus cast off the false things, the burdens, we bear, so that we can more fully live in Him. Breaking agreements ushers forth the life of freedom we were designed to experience when we were first created by our Father.

I love David’s words that remind me how God comes for us and invites us into life with Him:

You have saved me from death.
You have kept me from tripping and falling.
Now I can live with you
in the light that leads to life (Psalm 56:13).

We either continue to live out the agreements Satan has encouraged us to make with him, or we ask Jesus to reveal the agreements to us so that we can break them. The decision is up to us. Because these agreements we’ve made with the enemy feel so familiar, such a part of us–and because the last thing Satan wants is for us to recognize we have made agreements with him at all–it can take lots of time, sometimes, to even discern they exist.

But with Jesus’ help, and with a willing heart, we can.

In the next post I’ll tell you about how I struggled to share with my friends, at My Girls, what my signature struggle is. I felt burdened by my not being able to see it. And it was all because of an agreement I had made–a lie I was believing about myself that I had never realized before. I will share with you how my husband met me in the kitchen later, that night and, through his prayer for me, I saw what the agreement was. And I came absolutely undone.

Do you know what agreements you may have unwittingly made? What is your experience with seeing them for what they truly are? Do you struggle with sharing your heart in community? How can I pray for you?

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March 5, 2013 — 15 Comments
In Community, Faith, Identity, Joy , ,
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Ordinary? Girl, you’ve got that thing . . .

Ordinary pin

You’ve got that glow in your eyes again, you know. The one where you know I see you and you’re happy inside because you finally know you’ve been found. You pick up the scraps of trying up off the floor, the reaching and stretching and listening for the call of the voice that calls you home. You know who it is, girl. And you know I see you. And you know that dance, how you can strut your stuff ’cause that’s how I’ve made you and it isn’t just plain old ordinary, the way you stand there in the kitchen, with your jeans and bare feet and ponytail and crumbs that have yet to be swept off the floor. You know you are seen, and that gives you a something that pulls others in. You’e got that something and it gives you a voice and a dance and a way to walk that knows the music and the way to keep the pace that is all your own.

Ordinary? What does that even mean? I showed you the Nevada hills the other day, and the way things look so different when I give you eyes to see truth and beauty and sunrises that stretch far beyond the rising of a simple sun. Because I’ve made it.  . . Well, yes, if I’ve made it I guess that makes it ordinary and extraordinary and I love how you take it in. How you see it when I give you eyes to do just that. Yes, girl, you’ve got that thing that makes Me smile. And when you own it with those eyes so bright and your heart so wide, then I know you know you’re home. And my heart beats happy, too.

So fun to be writing for five-crazy-fun minutes, in community, with Lisa-Jo, and other sister-gals. What does your heart say when you hear the word, “ordinary”?

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February 28, 2013 — 23 Comments
In Faith, Words in Me
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When messing up as a parent breaks your heart

parenting

It’s midnight and we wait for the second email to come in before heading over to the school to pick him up. A week away and it has felt like both forever and just a few minutes. These weeks slip by so fast. Eleven years now of being a mom. I wonder how many more moments I’ll get to wrap him up close, enfold him in these arms that used to encircle him every night. I may have known what bad habits I fostered that first year of life, that dependency on me as I nursed him to sleep every night so that he couldn’t go to sleep by himself and we didn’t get a sitter to go out on a date for a year. But I didn’t care. He needed me. And I loved it.

I loved the way he loved me with that wide-eyed, pure way of his, the way his next word, after “Mama” and “Dada” was “dog” for everything: the moon when it shown bright in the sky, the book he was carrying around, his truck. With determination and confidence he would name what he saw, and while it may not have been accurate, it was perfect and made me smile. It is still one of our favorite stories about him now, especially when we see him on the floor these days, wrestling with one of his best friends, his long-awaited dog.

He has been away with his fifth grade class for a week in Washington, D.C. a long way from California, and the first time he has set foot on a plane without us. We don’t get to talk to him, connect with him in any way while he is gone, and my heart about leaps out of my chest in relief when the email comes with the Shutterfly invitation to view the first photos of their album. There he is, at the buffet, all smiles. He’s made it. He’s smiling. Oh, that boy of mine. So small yet, and so big. How many more years until he leaves? When will it be–that day I can no longer hold him in my arms?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Our hot tea is caffeinated the night we wait for him to come home–for the shuttle to deliver him at the school, two blocks from our house. We watch the final episode of Titanic and then open our computers and get anxious, wanting to time our going over to meet the bus just right because we hope to sneak over together–even while our two younger ones are home asleep. We don’t want to head over too early and be gone from home more than a few minutes. But we also don’t want to be late for the bus pulling into the parking lot either. So, with impatience, we wait.

And when it is 12:35 and the second email hasn’t come to tell us whether they are still delayed, we don’t walk the two short blocks but jump in the car to get over there as quickly as we can. As we pull into the school parking lot, we scan the area to see if we are early or on time.

The parking lot is almost bare.

“Oh, good, the bus isn’t here, yet! We haven’t missed it!”

And then our hearts drop.

“Oh, no.  Oh, no. The bus isn’t there. . .It’s already gone! Jackson is standing there, by that one car! Do you see him? He’s all alone! We are late! We are late! We missed him being dropped off!”

My mother’s heart breaks right there. I am both mortified by how this looks–that he may think he was forgotten or that we just didn’t care–and full of sorrow, as I see our boy’s tired, sweet eyes, trying to look so brave. wheeled luggage in one hand. He stands there in the dark parking lot, 12:40 am, with his school principal and a dear friend who was picking up her son, too. She waited.

She waited.

We were twenty minutes late. That little boy of mine was standing in that parking lot waiting for his mom and dad to come and get  him, just like all the other parents, and his parents didn’t. They weren’t there.

It is crazy and makes perfect sense, doesn’t it, that when we feel we’ve failed our kids somehow, a piece of our heart feels like it is dying right there?

Oh, how I wanted to rewind time, go back and have left the house twenty minutes earlier, email or not.

I know I am being overly dramatic and have so little to grieve about: after all, he is here now. He made it back safely. The plane didn’t crash. He was cared for. He actually didn’t stand in that parking lot all alone.

But when he walked into the house and uncharacteristically said, so simply, “I’m going to bed now.” I just about crumpled to the floor.

How do we navigate these waters? How do we manage to keep going when we can’t press rewind and do it all over? How do we feel okay when these opportunities to be present, to be available and supportive, feel so much more fleeting than before?

He is still the boy who likes to cuddle, and I crawl up onto that top bunk of his and lie down. His covers are over his head.

“I’m sorry, buddy. I’m so sorry.”

“Mom, it’s okay.”

His sweetness, his forgiveness, is beautiful, and I don’t deserve it. It makes me even more sad.

I stay up for two more hours, my heart beating fast, my husband letting me cry.

How many more days? How many more moments?

Oh, God–I mess up, and you love me still. Let me keep going. Let me keep loving.

Let me be okay with his growing up, and my messing up . . . and with his decreased need to grasp a hold of my hand.

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How have you wrestled with wanting to rewind time? How do you lift up your hands and trust God, knowing that, no matter how we mess up, He forgives us and loves us still?

And the winners of the Love Song Giveaway? . . .

Jennifer, Barbie, and Jean! 

Grateful to be linking up with Jen today. 

February 18, 2013 — 14 Comments
In Grace, Life , ,
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When writing is wielding a sword

Writing

There are days we lose sight of the path, lose focus, get distracted by the lesser things that take us away from the adventure of our hearts with God. It is a struggle most days, to write here, on these spaces He’s given, isn’t it?

But we write because He gives us a message we can’t keep to ourselves. We write because we see Him better, more clearly, when we do it. We write because it is an act of obedience and an act of surrendering—even when there doesn’t seem to be a scrap of time to find between the job and the dishes and the kids and the schoolwork.

We write because forming words to His truth in our heart makes us think beyond the small space in front of us. We see deeper, our hearts expanded wide–open to imagine all the possibilities He has for these words of ours.

We write for an outcome we seldom—and may never—fully see.

And that’s hard.

But that’s okay.

Please join me over at Allume.com today for the rest of this post. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts over there!

Also, make sure you check out Thursday’s post to enter the Love Song Giveaway!

February 14, 2013 — Leave a comment
In Adventure, Faith, Identity ,
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To have courage to say no to lies

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It takes courage to begin these days. Just this one.

We grow tired of reaching, over and over, to accomplish the next thing on the list to do. The momentum only builds when we pause, for then we grow scared and restless.

We hear the whisper, the hissing in our ear:  keep going or you’ll be sucked under.

And we acknowledge it and believe–filled with anxiety and fear for how we will find joy in this day.

Or we reject the lie full-on, and turn over the day to Him, He who knows all that we have to do–and what we don’t. 

But rejecting a whisper that feels so familiar, so true . . . I understand how it is easier to read these words on this screen here than actually stand with Him, with truth, and do it.

For it is no small challenge to even discern the whisper–the one that comes not from you but from the deepest pit of hell– at all.

Because it feels so close.

Because it is familiar.

Because we let it convince us self-condemnation is something we deserve.

Because we are good at putting ourselves down and looking to ourselves to fix our perceived problems.

Because we find it easier to believe that we need to be more of something or less of something else to live with nothing separating us from the love of God.

Because the whispers tell us Romans 8:38-39 doesn’t apply to someone like us:

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (NASB).

But God’s truth is mightier than any doubt, His girls. He gives us faith. He gives us what we need to stand with Him, break strongholds of sin and claim His truth for us. Yes, His truth applies, to us.

And on days when the heaviness feels too much, when we are not sure how we can stand, let alone raise our head, ask Him to whisper truth–and to give you open ears and heart and head to hear it.

Paul shares with the church at Ephesus:

Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out (Ephesians 6:13-18, MSG).

God’s word in us, His heart giving us strength, our earnest prayers to a Father who hears us and who answers us . . . equip us with His truth to stand and be courageous and all that He has designed us to be: We are daughters who not only raise their heads against the whispers of lies, but battle fiercely, alongside their Father whom has already come to save.

And so, let’s stand together, heads lifted, arms raised, hearts singing out prayers for one another. Let His truth fill us so that we overflow. And I pray He binds the enemy from us, that He hides us under His wings, that we rest together, courageous and strong–yes–but resting, too, in the truth that we are His, we are saved, we are precious to Him, and He teaches us the sound of His voice so that all whispers of the enemy are quieted, that we are deaf to them.

He searches our hearts and He gives us the chance to turn over our sins to Him. He cleanses us. We are made new. And we are strong here, our very weaknesses–our dependence on Him–our strength.

How, today, girls, can I pray for you?

February 11, 2013 — 2 Comments
In Faith, Grace, Joy , , , , ,
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What faith looks like: how to head into wide, open-space with God

open space

You know that dream of yours, girls? It takes pushing into it, full on. My friend’s words encourage me: “All in!” And that’s what I want to do–have my heart be all in.

And here it is, this day, an invitation, a chance to lean in close to Him, so close that you can feel His breath on your cheek.

Crazy-awesome-amazing. . . yep, that’s what it is.

And His presence, His voice within us, His whispers to come closer, grab His hand, it’s all true.

Girls, I am the voice within you, the true place, the rock on which you stand. I am the strength that sustains you, that carries you, that lifts your head. Daughters, do not be weary, do not fear failing at what I’ve given, just for you, to do. You can’t fail with me, child. You just can’t. When I am with you, there is no risk. The only risk this day holds is not clinging to Me, not trusting Me, not listening to Me. And I’ve given you everything you need to do it.

I am here, child. I am for you. I am upholding you. I am the kiss of the air on your cheek, the fragrance of hope, the song of laughter and also a shield. I go before you, into battle. I go before you, behind you, beneath you, around you. I protect you and I also let you go, into the open space, with Me.

You are not alone.

You go, sustained.

You are not faltering.

You walk tall, head lifted, knowing who you are.

You are not fearful.

I am your courage, your strong place, your energy, your resource that never fails and is always faithful.

I am sure. I am true. I am mercy that battles for justice. Oh, girl, my daughter, come with Me. I need you. I want you. Come with me. Come–ever deeper– into the fold.

I am clinging to Him, leaning in close, as I head into that God-sized-dream He’s placed on my heart. Yes, I will go. I will go into that open space with my Father.

What does that open space with God look like for you today?

Here you can catch up on my other God-sized-dream posts. And click here, to subscribe, to hang out with me–getting posts delivered to you right after I hit “publish”!

February 6, 2013 — 15 Comments
In Adventure, Faith, Words in Me
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