Hearing God in the Wilderness

 In Faith, Joy, Parenting, Surrender

hearing god

[F]riends, I have a treat for you. My beautiful, encouraging friend, Kristin Taylor, who knows a few things about listening for God’s voice, particularly while in the midst of personal, medical struggles, has written an ebook, Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith and My Family, to bring encouragement to anyone in the midst of a tough situation while waiting on God. Kristin’s journey was one of infertility and of God surprising her in the midst of heartbreak. One of her deepest desires was to be a mom. I’m excited to have Kristin guest posting here with us today:

[F]or almost two years, trying to become pregnant monopolized my life. I had a job. My husband Greg had a job. We had friends. We went on trips. But trying to have a family dominated my thoughts.

Twenty-one months after I stopped taking my birth control pills and declared my readiness to get pregnant, my doctor referred us to a big-city reproductive endocrinologist. By this time, we also had learned Greg’s contribution to the pregnancy equation wasn’t helping our odds. The reproductive endocrinologist talked about the possibilities of pregnancy given the issues in both our bodies and, of course, scheduled more blood work for me.

The most basic explanation is my body doesn’t make enough of the right hormones to sustain my eggs, meaning the quality and quantity was low. Along with the endometriosis, the specialist strongly suspected I had poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, a condition that would explain my imbalance of female reproductive hormones.

My new doctor helped us connect the dots and eliminate or correct any variables that were standing in our way. While he talked about sperm, eggs, ovulating, implantation, I thought about how perfect conceiving life is.

The precise timing necessary to create a baby is more exact than anything we as imperfect people can control. In fact, it’s perfect, which is proof enough to me that God creates babies. He aligns all the variables and perfects a process inside our imperfect bodies. That is why I believe every baby has a purpose.

With that said, somebody could argue: Why ever go to a doctor if God is in control of conception? I’ll tell you: We need hope. God gave these doctors minds to help people like me that want to make sense out of what is – or in some cases, isn’t – going on inside our bodies.

Even so, God is most certainly in control of making living miracles. And I was weary from the waiting.

In the following weeks I grasped for more answers and hope, so I read a book called Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them by Cindy Lewis Dake. What stuck with me was a chapter on boundaries. I don’t really remember what Dake said, but I do remember coming away with the desire to set some emotional, financial, and physical boundaries.

I finally heard God through someone else’s words. Yet it’s not her words that stayed with me. It was hearing God tell me to draw some lines for my own well-being that changed me.

Having Type 1 Diabetes, I knew pregnancy was going to be physically hard on me. There would be additional insulin shots and probably more blood sugar ups and downs than I had in normal life. I also knew infertility left me emotionally drained.

While talking through all of this with Greg, we realized we needed to create boundaries for ourselves before we went to our follow-up appointment with the specialist in Nashville. And this was it for us: If the doctor recommended in-vitro fertilization, we would stop trying to get pregnant and turn our attention, money, and energy to adoption.

In October 2006, after 22 months of trying, a doctor who knew far more than we did told us our best odds of getting pregnant would come with IVF. We thanked him for the information and headed home. In those two hours in the car, I had more peace than I’d had since I threw away my package of birth control pills.

We had absolutely no idea what throwing ourselves into adoption would mean, but for the first time in my life I was experiencing the peace that passes all understanding. And I had yet to learn about a teenage girl who was just a couple months into her unexpected pregnancy.

God didn’t give me my way in December 2004 because his way in May 2007 was even better than I could imagine. Less than nine months after I stopped trying to become pregnant, I got to hold my daughter.

Infertility was my wilderness, but I heard God as he led me into my Promised Land. Turns out, adoption built my faith and my family.

For months and months, I begged to be pregnant and struggled to hear God, but God heard the desire of my heart, which was to have a family. It’s a lesson I still hold close: Even when we don’t say the right words, God knows. In his timing, we see a glimpse of his masterpiece.

We’d love to hear from you. How would you describe your season, now, of waiting on God? How can we pray for you?

head shot_20131115_5_1_1Kristin Hill Taylor tells about the two adoption processes that followed the hard season of infertility in Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family, which is available at Amazon. She believes in taking road trips, living in community, and seeking God as the author of every story – many of which she shares at www.kristinhilltaylor.com. She lives in Murray, Kentucky, with her college sweetheart husband and their two kids.
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Showing 13 comments
  • J
    Reply

    Oh, this post.
    I’m only twenty one, but these past three months, God has had me surrender everything to him and shown me my worth in Him alone. It’s been a peaceful struggle. It’s been a struggle that has followed seven years of deep eating disorders and lack of self worth. But he has put a heart for a husband (at least a dating partner right now) and family on my heart so deeply, showing me the struggles that go along with both, asking me if i still want it. I’m saying yes. I know its kind of frivolous to say at age 21, but it’s something I’m not obsessing over but deeply praying for. He has also put adoption on my heart and had put it there since I was 18. So I’m just praying, listening, and waiting on Him right now. I still have school to go through and job applications to turn in, but I’m trusting in what His promises are and what He has shown me.

    • Jennifer Camp
      Reply

      J, this is beautiful-you are beautiful. I am so grateful for the reminder of his pursuit of us–the story of his pursuit of you, layered with the pursuit of Kristin, as she shares here. I am so grateful for how he heals and gives us new lives of freedom! Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your heart here, showing us a glimpse of the kind of dreams God has for each of us. Bless you!

    • Kristin Hill Taylor
      Reply

      I love how you called it a “peaceful struggle.” That reminds me that it’s OK to struggle because sometimes that’s where we meet God more intimately. That surrender is what brings true freedom. Thanks for sharing a piece of your story here.

  • Jennifer Camp
    Reply

    Kristin, I am so grateful for you sharing here. I always need to hear these stories, these voices, these reminders of his goodness, his presence, in the midst of whatever trial we are facing. And this story is beautiful and encouraging and inspiring. Thank you so much, sweet friend.

    • Kristin Hill Taylor
      Reply

      Thank you for having me here, Jennifer! I always love coming to your encouraging place here on the internet, so it’s such a blessing to share a piece of my story here. Love you, friend.

    • J
      Reply

      Jennifer, I’ve been following your blog for the past two weeks or so and it took me through the end of that season :) thank you for your encouraging 31 days series. God is using you so powerfully to speak to the hearts of his daughters! The posts for J, especially. They struck at my heart in a way that can’t be defined.

      • Jennifer Camp
        Reply

        J, I love this so, so much! Thank you so much for letting me know! xo

  • Christa
    Reply

    Hi Kristin, I stumbled upon your story via Twitter and began sobbing after reading one paragraph! I have been struggling with infertility for twenty one months now. Nothing has tested my faith in God as much as this experience. Your story and your relationship with The Lord is inspiring, I love how you wrote that God heard the desires of your heart. Thank you for sharing this story!

    • Jennifer Camp
      Reply

      Christa, I am so grateful you shared here. Bless you, sister, as you wait, as you trust, in the midst of this heartache and struggle. Much love to you, Jennifer

    • Kristin Hill Taylor
      Reply

      Hi, Christa! I know the heartache you’re experiencing. I’m hoping God gives you the peace that passes understanding as you continue to seek him, even in the hard season. If you ever want to talk more, feel free to email me at kristinhilltaylor (at) gmail (dot) com.

  • Barbie
    Reply

    What a beautiful testimony of God’s relentless pursuit of us, and His desire to grant the desires of our hearts. Thank you for sharing.

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