I walk around the house, picking up odds and ends. Wadded up socks that didn’t make it to the hamper, mangled dog toys scattered around the kitchen floor, Crayola markers on the kitchen counter tipping right out of the yellow cardboard box. It is the night before tomorrow — a strange phrase, I know, but I keep thinking about the next day, morning coming surely, and how night is never forever.
I see glimpses of that old self in me more often than I’d like to admit. I make a sharp comment to my husband when he is sharing with me his thoughts about the day. My mind is more filled with the tasks I feel I need to get done than the reality of the Spirit abiding in me.
And I end this day and begin again, wishing I had a little more compassion, a little more gentleness, a little more love in this hard-shelled heart of mine. And I trust that He will give me all I need.
For I do believe that the beginning, with Him, begins again. Always again. And I trust that no matter how I fell before, He is creating a new work in me. So I must trust Him, trust that He will not leave me nor forsake me and stand fast with me until His work in me is completed.
Do I dare let Him continue to work in me, continue to encourage me to die, and die again, so I won’t miss out on the only chance I have to live?
My pastor reminds me this weekend that, as a daughter of God, I am called to reign. I have been given power, in His name, as I abide in Him, to live in His power, in His strength.
For if, by the the trespass of the one man [Adam], death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ! (Romans 5:17)
I am equipped to make good choices to stay close to this God of mine, and there is much good in store for me. But sometimes I choose to not believe that. And the thing is, I know I am doing it.
I tell my husband, on the way home from church, that there were so many times, before I knew God well, that I would heed the whispers of the Enemy without recognizing that they were from him. But now — now that I know more of the Father’s heart for me, and I recognize His voice, His love — I can still, sadly, choose to not hear His voice over the whispers of deception that want to pull me away. I choose evil over good, willingly, knowing that I am ignoring the Father’s heart for me.
And that’s when I come undone.
For you and me, girl, are made to reign. That’s right — God thinks we are pretty amazing and He wants us, more than anything, to know it. So when I believe He is just not quite big enough or strong enough or good enough to care about my slipping away from Him, I am rejecting who I am, too. For He is in us, you know? He is in me. He is in you. Princess,warrior girl, my friend, I stand with you. Now claim His power, that love within you, and show this world of His what you are made of.
The whole world misses out when we turn up the volume on fear and try to drown out the voice of a whisper, deep inside, saying, “Hey, you, I adore you. Come away with me. I have so much, so much, in store.”
Okay now, what do you think? How does your heart respond?