The Weight of Being a Good Girl

 In Identity, Truth


The women on the video tell the story that my heart, for most of my life, knew most — stories that still press in, resurrecting pain that I pushed down for over thirty years of my life.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that their stories capture that little girl heart that feels forever tender. And I let the tears fall.

I know these hearts that tell this so-familiar story:  to be loved, y0u need to perform; to be loved, you have to get it right; to be loved, you have to be liked and make good choices; to be loved, you certaintly can’t fall.

And the falseness in the message, the pain that I know comes from believing that no matter what we can do, we can never be good enough, wrecks me with anger and sorrow.  To feel you are not good enough — the message so many women believe is most true about them — isolates and destroys like nothing else.

In that place, that little girl can’t believe she could ever be loved by God.

For with this heart, the one with the flaws, the failures, the insecurities that whisper she will never get it right if she stops striving — she does not feel she is good enough to be loved.

The video I watched this morning highlights the focus of Emily Freeman’s new book Grace for the Good Girl:  Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life.  In Emily’s blog, Chatting at the Skyshe posts the first chapter of her newly released book and includes a video of a collection of women, “good girls”.  These beautiful women’s faces and words relate the weight of the lie they have grown up believing — the burden of believing that they have to earn any love they receive.

One of the greatest challenges can be recognizing that this lie, this false narrative that affects everything we do, exists.

I didn’t know I was victim to this until my husband asked me a simple question, a question I couldn’t begin to answer.  But that is the topic of this post here.  And my frustration with believing this lie for so long, my exhaustion from believing this destructive lie, is the topic of this post here.

And this is why I write, to communicate the message —  to rebel against all the lies I once believed — that , in the eyes of our Father, we are enough.   We are more than enough.

I encourage you to go over to Emily’s post and check out her first chapter.

Are you a good girl?

You are so much more than that, you know.


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Showing 2 comments
  • Katie

    Oh I love this Jennifer! Yes I am one of those girls too! The "good girl" who has so many unrealistic expectiation that I put on myself because of it. But the only TRUTH that in my father's eyes I am good enough. Girl this is great! Thank you so much!

  • Barbie

    I am so thankful I found your blog. I've struggled with accepting God's love for me all of my life and still don't quite get it. I try hard to succeed, be liked, perform, etc. And I go to bed at night feeling as if I've fallen short most days. I cannot wait to read Emily's book. I just won a copy on a blog! Jesus must want me to read! Blessings!

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