God, let’s do this quickly. You know I’m uncomfortable here. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with you. But I’m uncomfortable talking to you, sharing my heart, finding the right words . . . particularly when I’m in the company of other women.
What is this about me, Father, that I doubt I have words to communicate how you are stirring me when I am with women I am supposed to trust? They love me. They know me.
If you are safe, why do I not want to pray aloud to you? Is there something missing in me? Is there a way I am doing this that needs to be changed?
I’m going to leave it like this, then . . . I’m done talking.
But wait . . .
Could you really have anything to me to say?
My girl, I do have something to say: you don’t need to worry about what to say to me or how to say it. You don’t need to worry about fitting in or measuring up in any prayer group or women’s bible study.
You don’t need to think about what it’s supposed to look like to love me. How the world sees is not how I see. And what I see, my girl, is a bold and tender warrior who loves and does not hesitate to do the hard thing when it counts.
Don’t doubt how I’ve made you. But look to what I’m doing in you. Your lack of confidence in speaking? That’s not you. Your hesitation to communicate your true thoughts? That’s not you. But let’s rewind a bit. What these women you are with need from you is you being you. And you are doing it, my darling. Continue stepping forward in confidence that I have made you and you can hear me and you are loved by me and you have what it takes to pray.
Because you did just now, you know–pray. Praying is talking to me. And this? What we’re doing here? This is a relationship blooming–because this here is a conversation.
But here is something new: each time you pray . . . listen for me to answer back.
I have more to show you. I have more of my presence to give you. I want you to claim it. I want you to know it.
Come on now, girl. The two of us together? We’ve got this.
Song to listen to: “My Lighthouse,” Rend Collective
This is day 21 of Voice: 31 Conversations: Click the image below to find out more. Subscribe to follow along each day.